Many years ago today
Something grew inside of your mother...
That thing was you
You
You you you you
Did she scream?
Did she cry?
Only those that are born
Are the ones that get to die
One more year closer to dying
Rotting organs ripping grinding
Biological discordance
Birthday equals self abhorrence
Years keep passing aging always
Mutate into vapid slugs
Doctor gives a new perscription
Bullet in a fucking gun
One more year closer to dying
Plastic surgeons fuel the lying
You forget why you came in here
Your mind rots with every New Year
RSVP please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Happy Birthday
You're gonna die
Now you're old and full of hatred
Take a pill to masturbated
Children point to you and scream
Because they will become that thing
One more year of further suffering
There's no point of fucking bluffing
Open up your dethday present
It's a box of fucking nothing
RSVP please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Die die
Dethday
Birthday
Dethday
Die die
Dethday
Birthday
Dethday
RSVP please
For the deth of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life
Happy Birthday
You're gonna die
Yup...today be indeeds my birthday. This isn't exactly a..happy blog about my birthday and all I need to do is vent just a bit.
I hate that ever since I turned 20, every birthday was made such a fail. Something always had to just freaking happen. And no I'm not whining about how I didn't get something that I wanted or something childish as that. I rarely ever got something which I am use to. When I was 20 I was living with my abusive boyfriend at the time and was wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. At 21 my great grandma died. 22 my fiance left me out of nowhere and all around made me feel like crap. 23 my Nana died..I guess the only good thing that happened then was while I was in California for the memorial, I stayed to visit some family and on my birthday I was in San Francisco hanging out with my sister. When I was 24 I was stuck in Florida with my grandpa's idiot wife trying to kick me out and the only way to get her to shut up was throw half of all the money I was saving up in my bank for a place. 25 I spent it alone though at least I was able to watch gory horror movies without one of the idiot roommates bitching about it. And last year even though I got to spend it with my mom for the first time in years, all she did was yell about how my life was shite. Yay!
I dunnoes..maybe I am just complaining about nothing. But after every bloody year of some bullshit going on I can't help but feel down.
And this year, I was disappointed once again. One of the things that hurts is my roommate. I wanted to hang out with him and play video games all day and just have a good time. It's what we did on his birthday this year. It angered me so much that instead he chose to go out of state for his stupid dumb bitch of an ex. Everyone has tried to get him to see that this chick is using him still even after they broke up. I don't want to go into further detail about all that though. It just makes me so fucking mad. Before he left he tried to tell me about how he understands it sucks being left alone for my birthday but instead I nearly told him to go fuck himself. I'm beyond tired of his excuses for that bitch. I have no idea when he'll be back, whether it's later tonight or tomorrow. At this point I could care less.
The other thing that disappointed me a whole great deal more is this. I know mom couldn't do stuff because she had to house sit for a friend all weekend long which is fine, I could care less. What I hate is that one of my sisters who moved back to our hometown in NC..she came up to visit and stayed with mom the whole time and we all made plans to come over here to hang out til after today. Well mom decided that yesterday she was going to drive my sister back down and stay til Thursday. It seriously pissed me off. I haven't seen either of my sisters in four years when our Nana died. During then was the first time the three of us were together since I was in bloody high school. I got to see her for a total of thirty minutes til they left for NC.
And at least during that half hour she tried to make things better. Hell, while she was at our family friends house during the weekend, she baked me a Hello Kitty cake. All from scratch. Heh..it was kinda funny though. She kept apologizing it wasn't in the shape of something I like. A skull or a decapitated zombie head all bloodied up. I told her it was perfect...besides growing up I had a secret love for Hello Kitty and all the other Sanrio characters. Yeah I know, it's not metal but dammit I love cute things.
I wanted to stay up all night and do the tradition of sitting outside and looking at the night sky while listening to Amon Amarth's A Fury Divine during the early hours of today but all weekend long I could hardly sleep and I promptly passed out and woke up about two hours ago to find a message from my sister about how her and our other sister will somehow make up today by doing something soon. It would be nice but we all live far apart. Is the thought that makes it better even though it does make me miss them so much more.
I also have my wonderful mate to thank for today as well. For the first time in over a decade I'm actually gonna receive gifts. All month long he kept teasing me about a package and today I get to finally have it. Every time I think about it I get so bloody hyper. I fear I may attack the poor mail man today.
Again, perhaps all of this I'm just complaining about nothing. But just one day. One day out of the whole year I actually wish the people that are close to me would give a shit. It would be nice honestly.
But enough of all this. I may be left alone til later this week, I should make the best of it. I got internet, video games, music, my cats and my wonderful mate's package (also known as the precious @w@) coming in sometime today. And even though I can't go anywhere to celebrate my birthday...I missed the GWAR barbecue the other day and will sadly miss my beloved Dethklok and Lamb of God on the 25th...but a dear friend reminded me that my main celebration will be Nekocon. Just a few months late. Tis will be the first time I get to see my best friend in over four years and the first time ever I get to be in my mate's arms. Much drinking and cartoon watching shall happen. And shenanigans..many many horrible shenanigans we will doom everyone around us with.
Now is the time for left over Chinese food and video games.
Ja ne
~Necro
