The demonic butterflies are flying around the pit of your stomach. A bulldozer gnawing away.
Depression, slumps and anxiety are powerful.
Blue doesn’t quite cut it.
It only lasts a set period of time.
Waves, seashore, beach, calm.
You just have to rise it out.
Not what you want to hear, but also what you want to hear.
What deepens anxiety is the feeling or notion that it is forever, that there is a permanence to it. There never is.
To wait it out is all you can do, to not invigorate it with pleading or kneeling down is key.
Don’t try to rationalise it, or find blame, or internalise it, just wait and think of nothing.
Right now, meditation doesn’t work – that is learned when grey isn’t above the head, then later becomes a practice that reduces the clouds.
For now, know that the grey doesn’t last forever. That is all.
And also know that no matter how long you have been in your current situation, you can change everything.
The panic comes when we untangle from reason, when we start to look for reasons why we’re not in a better position, and all it does is serve to deepen the red. To blood red.
To the mind going at a tangent, it doesn’t work.
Don’t trust a mind that has painted everything grey with any decision-making whatsoever.
Start to think slower, calmer, within reason.
Contemplate a clear head.