To start off this is a rant/informative journal and not a call for pity and is in no way encouraging self-harm.
Cutting and self-harm is one of those taboo subjects that many people don’t really know the truth about or talk about. According to pop culture it is that thing that emo kids do along with crying in the corner and dyeing their hair. To others it is something that all those weak pussies do because they can’t do anything else. To me, one who has done it plenty of times and has the scars to prove it, cutting is a horrible addiction.
For the past 4 years, since sophomore year in high school, I have had bouts of cutting episodes caused by my constant depression. It’s not something I am proud of. Like I said, cutting is an addiction that one uses as a coping mechanism. For me it started as a last resort that I would use when I was severely suicidal and needed something to calm me down. Instead of taking a few shots of booze, smoking a joint, or shooting up with some drug, I would cut myself. It was not the best option, but it is what I would do. It would calm me down and put me in a mellow state. I could go into the details, but I will spare you of that. I have been cutting on and off until the last little group of episodes which ended about 3 weeks ago.
Contrary to what most people believe the majority cutting and self-harm is not an attempt at suicide, it is a coping mechanism that people use when they feel it is the only thing that can make them feel good or feel at all. Cutting is a valid method to commit suicide with, but like I said, many people use it to cope.
In my and many others opinion, cutting is an addiction just like smoking, alcoholism, or drug use. It is something that your body needs in order to feel good or get the natural high. I have no studies or hard evidence to prove this, but from my experiences and talking to others I believe in this.
Before you go on saying that cutters are just weak people who can’t cope at least think about what they go through. How terrible you must have to feel to have to harm yourself just in order to feel some pleasure. I know this from first hand experience. I would feel so depressed, worthless, and down that I would cut myself just so I could get a temporary relief from the emotional pain. I know it is not the best way to cope with the distress I was and still am feeling, but it was all that helped.
A really good friend from college put how cutting works into some really accurate words: “Cutting is an addiction like alcohol or drugs. You may not be cutting anymore, but you still always have the urge to”. This is so very true. I have not cut for a while, but I still get the urge every day to do it so I can feel better. No form of therapy, meds, hospitalization, or whatever is going to change that. The first few times may be a choice, just like smoking, but then you get hooked to it. You can’t stop.
This was sorta just a crappily written rant. I just hope maybe one or two people get something out of it.
I welcome all comments positive and negative. Just keep the negative comments respectful. I will not tolerate people straight out being disrespectful. All disrespectful comments will be removed.
